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Terrified of Tinder

So, I have a confession to make. I am terrified of Tinder. Everything about online dating apps ignite an anxiety in me that I just rather live life without. But in today's modern dating scene it seems like it might be inevitable that I will need to use an app.

If you are like me you have a handful of friends that have found their soulmate on an app. For me 3 out of 4 besties have found their now husbands on an app. I just don't understand how. When I download the apps and finally open them, I just get overwhelmed. Sure, it is somewhat of a boost to know over 2,000 men like my profile, but I don't have time to comb through all that.

I am that girl that judges a book by it's cover. And frankly apps just aid in that way of thinking. People are reduced to a couple phrases and some photos and based on that I am swiping right or left????? I am swiping left. When I can see right away if you want kids, your religious views and then your "best" photos, I am swiping left. Maybe if we had a real conversation I could see the real you, your real opinions, etc. But with everything going through text, I don't even know where to start.

All my besties have repeatedly tried to coach me through using apps. They give great advice like, "have a goal", "it takes time". They are completely right, but in the end, it just makes me anxious, frustrated, and brings me no joy. So, I think I will continue to meet men the way I have for the last 35 years, by fate.

Meeting men has become a little more complicated as I get older. But it doesn't stop being fun. I meet men at the gym, at work, at the bar, eating at a restaurant. I get to know them the way that I prefer, by having a nice conversation. I am the type of girl that people like to tell their life story to. So within 5 minutes I know everything from where they work, how many siblings they have, and even their astrological sign. Last week I met a guy at brunch who told me about his divorce, his schooling, and travels to Mexico, China, and Japan. And even though he was very sweet and I talked to him for 2 hours, I knew I didn't want to pursue anything further. So much easier for me than an online app.

I have to make another confession. I like sex. No, scratch that. I love sex. I am a 35 year old with the energy of a 21 year old, and the libido of a 15 year old boy. This causes some issues in my dating world. One, because it would be easier to use an app to help satiate this "hunger", however, I actually like to know there is some kind of connection that I could pursue if I wanted to, regardless if I pursue it or not. Two, I currently live with my very very traditional parents.

It is the second problem that has caused so much strife as of late. I have to lie to my parents about where I am. Many texts of "I am sleeping at my bestie's house." You might think, why don't you just be honest with them? Well, I tried twice to be honest. Once, my mother hilariously slut shamed me with the quote "I hope you respected yourself" when I came home wearing the same dress from the night before with my knees all scratched up. And another time she was completely appalled that I kissed a man I met at the bar, which is not where the real story ended. So, I decided my love life would be best kept a secret.

Where does that leave my love life at the moment? Well, I have decided to not use apps for love or lust connections. And I have chosen to be genuinely open to a real connection. I often have sacrificed love for lust. I am not ashamed of my sexuality, and I am done with guys who want to use that against me. I have been with guys younger than me and guys older than me. And honestly, for me I think younger works best for me. I am setting the intention for 2020 to get out and date more.

This post was more for me than anyone else out there, as there is really no advice to be given. Meeting people is tough, and forging connections even tougher. Love yourself, be kind to yourself. Just be you, apps or not. Don't let society dictate how you love, or even lust. ;)

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